dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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