No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
