doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
