I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
