U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Randomize
