Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
