just survived the first fart of the relationship.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
ttyl tear gas
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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