She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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