I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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