But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Randomize
