Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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