Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
