Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
