k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
