We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
