Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
