Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.

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(720): View more from Colorado

Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.

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(586): View more from Michigan

from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke

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(551): View more from New Jersey

The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.

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(434): View more from Virginia

i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.

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(510): View more from California

yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him

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(506): View more from New Brunswick

who knew my inner goddess was such a whore

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(605): View more from South Dakota

Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle

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