the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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