My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize