I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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