Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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