Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize