So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I intend to get homeless drunk
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
