He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
