We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
