I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Randomize
