he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
