i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
