we made out on top of his cat.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
