i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
