apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize