Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
