The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
