Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize