I wish life had little blips of pornography
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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