oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She told me I should be a condom model.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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