i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
