Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
