The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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