god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
