went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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