peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
