it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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