He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i out mim tonsoeep
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