Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
