Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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