I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize