You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
