ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
