I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
