he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
