I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Are we still banned from the library?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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