Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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