I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
