So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
