I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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