White coat. Heels.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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