just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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