his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
