I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
