I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
