Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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