he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
