It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
