so that wasnt chicken after all
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
