At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Someone stole a lamp last night.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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