Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
