Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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