Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
