Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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