I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Your face is a jimmy john
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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