apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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