Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
