and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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