I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
