Hey man sorry I got all grabby
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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